LEGEND OF COLLEGESIUS
This was a collaborative effort between me and two friends for an english project.
A rarely told tale is the chance mating of Phobos and Athena. Phobos, representing the panic which fills men when presented with the unknown, and the goddess Athena of wisdom and war had a secret child that many great scholars, including the great Homer himself neglected to write about. This child, the great god Collegesius took command of Post High School Education, a combination of the wisdom of Athena and Phobos' panic of the unknown which students face after high school, or "college."
Three aspiring high school students, Davidius, Chucklecles and Brianicus, were hoping to be admitted to their school of choice, the dignified University of Pennsylvania. Collegesius came to the 3 students with an offer to help them get into this legendary institution of learning. During their sophomore year of high school, Collegesius planted seeds of immorality into their minds with ideas that would give them a dishonest advantage over other students when applying to the fabled university.
Among his devious plots were such crimes as the trickery of "Legacy," the unheard of "donations of large sums of cold hard cash", and some intimate "knowing" of their local admissions officer, the noble Danicus of Evans; all these were meant as signs of tribute to the great Collegesius. Our 3 heroes, however, refused to be tempted by such impure manners of conduct.
When their senior year came to pass, Collegesius once again returned to the 3, after having planted his seeds of thought 2 years prior. When he expected them to be grateful, he learned that they had shied away from such thoughts, in pursuit of more noble courses of action. Enraged by their defiance, he took godly vengeance upon the 3.
For Davidius, Collegesius placed his name in the army recruiting database. In the following weeks, Davidius was bombarded with army propaganda attempting to lure Davidius to the front lines. After valiantly dodging phone calls and skillfully battling off army recruiting officers, his plans of college were drastically cut short as Collegesius, in the form of a drill sergeant, dragged the young hero out of his English class to boot camp off in the mountains. He never had a chance to mail off his application, and was last seen running around the deserts of Iraq.
Chucklecles, a student worthy of UPenn's campus, had his application filled out, his teacher recommendations sent, and his essays written, brilliantly of course. By the hand of Collegesius, though, the day he handed his application to the post office, the post office burned to the ground. Nothing was left, save for a pile of smoldering ashes. His application was lost.
Brianicus, a salutatorian hopeful, was robbed of his perfect teacher recommendations when his four teachers, 2 main choices and 2 backups, were fired for inappropriate conduct with students in the social studies office.
Estranged, devastated, and heartbroken, these 3 students would not let simple hardships get in their way of applying to Penn. Having managed to somehow infiltrate Saddam's palace and assassinate the insane tyrant, Davidius was flown back to the United States with a hero's welcome, just in time to apply for early decision. Chucklecles, being the conscientious student that he was, had made a back-up copy of his application, and sent it out, just in time to apply for early decision. Brianicus on the other hand, had a quest waiting for him. His teachers, protected by the goddess Tenuria, had been blessed by her, and were able to serve out their sentence in the WEC underworld, rather than be forced to survive on their own in the "real world." Brianicus journeyed through the hellish bowels, only to recover many a day later with 2 teacher recommendations, just in time to apply for early decision.
The 3 returned, seemingly victorious to the halls of Hewlett High School. Upon attending a meeting for early decision applicants, they found to their great horror, a whopping 30 students with top credentials were waiting in anticipation for the speaker; Collegesius had struck again! This time, there was nothing our 3 heroes could do. As punishment for the students' pride, Collegesius cast a permanent charm on UPenn, making it undeniably attractive as a university for students the world over. The 3 were blocked out of Penn by the flood of students, and forevermore, seniors will always harbor an unnatural attraction for the University of Pennsylvania.
Don't you want to apply to UPenn now?
Well... don't. In fact, destroy anyone that is, except for me.
Or, just go back